Loving You is Loving Me

I have a question.

I know we talk about love like it’s something we keep or lack, search for, yearn for and would do anything for…but do you really understand love?

Is it in fact something you desire within yourself? Or is it something you’ve been programmed to think you need to seek in someone else?

I’m going to be completely transparent and let you in on a little secret, I have no fucking idea either, BUT I’m willing to be bold enough and ask.

I used to be traditional. But I am no longer that.

I used to be controlling about love, and that’s because I lacked the wisdom and understanding that love is actually infinite. I used to think there was a formula, but THERE IS NOT. And it makes me so happy because love is freedom.

I have discovered that any love received is purely from the love that was given. It is a beautiful cycle and there is never too much!

Love might feel complicated for some. Love is always within us to give and receive, but we are habitual in monitoring that access and that dosage. Why? Well, society and all that bullshit, blah blah blah. We are raised in infinite lifestyles, cultures and environments. Our childhoods vary from so many extremes to the next; we could never know what to expect when falling in love. But sometimes it hurts, other times it’s euphoric, and often, it’s both. Sometimes it causes questions. Sometimes we struggle. Sometimes it results in experiences and bliss we never knew existed. It’s intense or awful and we grapple to understand ourselves.

But loving someone else is purely loving ourselves. And that’s what I’m here to tell you.

Love is a mirror. I know we’ve all heard that before, but damn, did you know it’s true? Did you know that falling in love with someone else is also falling in love with yourself?

When we feed love into another person, it creates an energy that is intoxicating. Can you recall a moment, a time, a relationship where that type of love felt irreplaceable? Something you couldn’t live without? Something you couldn’t even explain?

That love is all you.

The love we give another person, and the feeling we receive from that love, is just us loving ourselves. Think of all the ways you feel changed by loving someone unconditionally. You feel like you’ve been transported to another space and time where you never knew this love was possible. But this love is possible, within you. The way you love another person reflects and bounces off of them. It radiates and creates a feeling inside of you that is indescribable. It’s self love.

I’m not saying that love doesn’t have something to do with the other person, I’m just saying it’s completely and fully within you. A partner allows you an experience to share that love with, and that’s a beautiful birth of love that hasn’t existed before.

But don’t define yourself as a result of that feeling. So often we believe that the love we experience within a relationship is something we can’t have without the other person, but we can. We are full of all the love we need, it’s just a mere factor of experiencing self love to know that.

Self love IS miraculous. It’s a space that you share within you and the source that lives within us all, whatever you call that. It’s a place of understanding, hope, connection and unconditional love. I got there through meditation and I yearn for her daily, sometimes more. When I go through difficult times, meditating several times a day brings me back to a space of self love and acceptance.

I love being in love, but I also know I don’t need it to be happy. I know that the love I return to, within me, is enough to fuel me, and when I encounter any type of struggle, I return to her. Well, let me be real, I know I can return to her, but I don’t always return to her and that hurts. I think that’s where we have to always be honest, because while we know better, we don’t always do better. I am a work in progress like the rest of the world, but I know she’s there for me, always. Knowing she’s there, completely creates a safety net for me if I fall. I know I’ve got me. And that’s what saves me.

I’m saved by knowing that yes, life can hurt and love can hurt, but it never defines me. Nothing defines me. I am exactly where I am for a reason and so are you. I have experienced moments where I felt failure, loss, and regret. I have experienced deep, dark moments of emptiness. I have been to places in my mind that I never want to revisit, but I am human enough to know I might. I might find myself there again, one day. I might experience that type of pain or even on a greater scale, but that pain won’t last forever nor will it dictate my future or what I’m capable of.

I had a fascinating conversation with an amazing friend this weekend who shared with me his “unconventional” views on relationships and happiness. You see, he is happy. He’s single and dating a few women. He’s divorced and for now, doesn’t see himself ever being in a monogamous relationship but rather one or more open relationships.

He yearns to have a child and “rear” that child within a family that may be defined as different than the norm. And the look on his face; I wish you all could have seen it. He is full of love, honesty and transparency. And when he spoke about love, he was full of unwavering certainty when he spoke of a child. In that moment, I felt his heart and I knew, this man knows exactly what he wants and it’s simple, even if people don’t understand it from the angle they view the world. Love is so, so, so simple, especially when it’s unconditional.

We all seek love, in different forms. We all express love, in different ways. We have the opportunity to feel love if we are open to it and give it if we allow ourselves. This is not just our human nature, but truly our spiritual purpose. We are here to give and receive unconditional love. And if you allow yourself to be present for that experience, you are whole.

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