Kids say the darnedest things, but they DO the darnedest things, too. And when it happens in public, forget about it! We’ve pulled together the funniest bloggers on the internet and found out just how embarrassing things can get.
There’s never too much funny to be had. So enjoy the laughs and be sure to visit and follow these hilarious, honest bloggers who tell it like it is.
You won’t regret it!
I made the mistake of taking my (then) 5yo daughter to my yearly PAP exam. She sat in the hallway, but obviously still heard it all, because as we walked into the packed (family practice) waiting room she says super loud: “Mom, why did the doctor need to put a SPATULA in your vagina?” I still prefer the last appointment of the day.
2. via Between the Monkey Bars
One of the minions just walked in on me changing, pointed to my chest, and said, “Mama got little bug bites.”
I wish I were making this shit up.
Not even “medium sized” bug bites, kid?
3. via The 21st Century SAHM
When your 1-year old takes naked pictures of you through the shower doors… And then your 6-year old finds them in your phone later (at 4-year old’s gymnastics) and yells across the room: “Mom! What’s with all these naked pictures of you in your phone?”
4. via Sparkly Shoes and Sweat Drops
In a crowded elevator, my son asked me to buy him playboy. I’m the only one who realized he meant cologne, like his dad wears.
5. via Appetite for Honesty
While my toddler and I were out doing a little shopping, he saw a life sized cutout of the Kardashian sisters. He proceeded to point at the cutout and yell, “LOOK MOM, IT’S AUNTIE!” No matter how quietly I told him that they weren’t his aunties, he continued to shout, “YES IT IS! IT’S MY AUNTIE!”
Mommy might watch a little too much reality T.V. (Cringe).
6. via Good Day, Regular People
At the zoo, after I went to the bathroom, I tucked my summer skirt into my underwear somehow and walked out. When I passed my children they all shrieked with mortification. “MOM OMG MOM!” and yanked it out of my underpants for me. I will never be able to convince them I was once cool now.
7. via Papa Does Preach
After recently moving to a state I had never lived in before, I started officiating youth sports. Not knowing the area I got lost on my very first assignment. Once I finally arrived at the school, I asked a person walking by how I could get to the field – the individual never answered me. Feeling slyted, I expressed my displeasure with the individual and went about my way, only to find out later this was a school for the deaf. Yeah….I yelled at a deaf guy.
8. via dorkymum
My son crawled under the curtain at the doctor’s and climbed up beside me while I was having a Pap smear last year ‘ooh, what’s that light for, Mummy? What’s the lady doing? Is she looking for something? Why are your pants on the floor mummy?
9. via Jsack’s Mom’s Blog
One day my son pointed out that I needed to stop eating food because I stink! This was said in a crowded Dr’s office after I had a burrito for lunch, much to my embarrassment.
10. via Mama Needs A Cupcake
I was getting in the shower when I noticed my daughter’s play kitty awkwardly floating in the bathtub. It was to funny not to snap a quick picture. As I rounded the corner downstairs to grab my phone I discovered two of my husband’s coworkers standing in my kitchen. They were as shocked to see me as I was them!
11. via Juicebox Confession
I was very pregnant and trying on clothes in a fitting room with my pre-school aged daughter. I took off my yoga pants (the only pants that fit) and my daughter immediately yelled at full volume: MOMMA! YOUR BUTT IS EATING YOUR UNDIES! THAT CAN’T BE OK FOR THE BABY!
I was wearing a thong.
12. via Wiggle Room Blog
At my my nephew’s 1st birthday party today, my 18-month-old had just learned all the words to “Head Shoulders Knees and Toes,” and I called a bunch of relatives around to hear her sing it. Sure enough, she sang “Head, shoulders, knees, and cock.” Everyone’s smiles froze. Perhaps we all heard incorrectly. I tried again: “Head, shoulders, knees…” I looked at my daughter. “AND COCK!” she yelled. So we all applauded, because of course.
13. via Jen Simon, Writer
I was plucking my eyebrows, halfway paying attention to my toddler open and close my dresser drawers. Before I noticed, he had moved to my nightstand. I didn’t think he could reach his pudgy little hands all the way back there, but he did and managed to pull out my vibrator. That wasn’t the worst part. The worst was that he put it to his ear and said, “hello.”
14. via Zoe vs. the Universe
4yo: What’s in his tummy?
Me (looking at chubby man w/in earshot): Nothing
4yo: Is there a baby in there?
Parental Mortification: Next Level
15. via Surviving A Sleep Thief
My toddler somehow called the police while I was in the shower. Then apparently proceeded to scream down the line. I got out of the shower to find half the local force at my door.
16. via Do Try This at Home
At the peak of the outbreak scare, my then two year old enjoyed yelling out “EBOLA!” in crowded places such as the grocery store, just to see people’s reactions.
17. via Suburban Shit Show: Tales from the Tree-Lined Trenches
My 4 YO is very outgoing. When she was young we frequently watched House Hunters on HGTV. We went to visit a neighbor and while our dogs played on the front lawn together, the 4 YO said, “Hey, do you have a couch in there?” The neighbor, a 50 YO man, just stared at her and nodded his head. “Well,” as if impatient, she asked “Can I see it?’
18. via Mommy in Sports
It was the 2nd night our first baby was home after a stint in the NICU, and I said I would handle night duty all by myself. At 2:00 am she woke in her pack n’ play bassinet by my bed, you know, the ones where on the changing table they lay vertical facing you. So when you lift their bums to change the diaper, the trajectory is perfect for infants to shoot their seedy little breast milk projectile poop right into your face and hair. And that’s exactly what happened. Our sweet baby girl pooped in my face, mouth and hair…and my screams woke my husband. (not exactly embarrassing but disgusting!)
19. via missteenussr.com
Saturday morning we’re out for a walk in our bustling neighborhood.
Waiting for the light to change so we can cross the street, we are surrounded by approximately 200 people.
My 5-year-old Stella, with vigor and volume: “Mom, we don’t cut off boys penises, right?”
20. via TheMomCafe.com
While my husband was “watching” our then 2 year old girl, she was playing with the cable box in front of the t.v. downstairs while he worked at his desk. I came downstairs to check on them and found PORN on the t.v. Yep. Of all the random numbers she messed with, she somehow managed to dial up the porn channel. She was staring quite intently at the t.v. too… which was a bit alarming. wink emoticon I wonder still to this day, how long she was watching and WHAT she saw before I came down!
21. via Scarlett Ballantyne
My pre-teen daughter and I were scrolling through the channels, trying to find something to watch on TV. On TLC there was a show listed called ‘The Woman who has 50 Orgasms an Hour’. My daughter said ‘Let’s watch that!’
Then she turns to me and says ‘I don’t know what an orgasm is, but I heard it’s fun’.
22. via The European Mama
My most embarrassing parenting moment was when a woman called the police on me when my toddler had a temper tantrum. It was actually doubly embarrassing- once because she had a temper tantrum, 2 because she called the police on me.
Appetite for Honesty 
Here’s one: we’re in a tent in a campground full of other tents somewhere in the south. My daughter is four years old and talks in her sleep. You can see where this is going, can’t you? Middle of the night she pipes up loud and clear with “Papa, don’t!”
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