Why Birthdays in Our 30s Can Suck It

Birthdays; they used to be exciting, fun and spontaneous at times. I’m not exactly sure when celebrating my birthday started to become such a chore, but I’m no more excited about turning 33 than I was about turning 32, that’s for sure.

Is this the beginning of the end, or are we just so sleep deprived from parenthood that it only goes up from here? And that’s obviously assuming we don’t plan to have anymore kids. I mean, that’s the buzzkill as far as birthday celebrations go, right?

Really, if there’s going to be any kind of birthday celebration when you have kids, the planning MUST start early.

So many decisions to make…

A. Who’s going to watch the kids?
B. Will it be an overnight stay?
C. Or will one of us be sober enough to go pick them up or take the babysitter home?
And if you pick C, forget birthday sex!

There’s A LOT of thought that has to go into it. But honestly, it’s no more difficult than planning any other date night.

The true dilemma lies in WHAT TO DO!

When making that choice just remember, actions have consequences!

OPTION 1:
Stay in all night, eat our favorite ice cream and talk to our significant other about things we never have time to talk about.

ONLY RULE: Don’t talk about the kids!
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Yea, that will never work.

OPTION 2:

Oh I know! A night to ourselves vegging in bed and enjoying the sound of silence.
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Ugh! No, that sounds like COMPLETE boredom! We aren’t so old that we can’t have a little fun!

OPTION 3:
What about a quiet night in with the family, including the kids? We can do some crafts, and spend REAL quality time together.
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OK, NO!

What were we thinking? Don’t ever mention that again! If we’re going to do this, let’s DO THIS!

OPTION 4:
Let’s PARTY!

A night on the town is JUST what the doctor ordered. We’ll never be this young again! Let’s rally the girls and get WILD! (But first give them fair warning. Like 4-weeks fair warning…to plan…they’ve got kids)

Dancing the night away like the old days? I bet we haven’t missed a beat! I bet we are as hot now as we were then.

NO!

HOTTER!
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But can we handle all that partying like we used to?
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Lord knows after the first few shots, it becomes a shit show.
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It’s (definitely) possible we’ll end up being the only one found at a booth in the corner vomiting into our napkin.
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Maybe we should skip the hard liquor.

OPTION 5:
Ooh what about a Wine Night? Wine screams, maturity and sophistication, right?
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But what if we have one too many?

Our significant other will appreciate it.
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And then there’s the HANGOVER!

We can’t handle the hangovers anymore. It’s got to be the closest thing to dying when you’re hungover in your 30s.
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And what if we humiliate ourselves? Pictures end up on in the internet so fast these days, by the time we wake up the next morning, the whole world has seen us act like asses. And the drunk dialing?

There’s just way too many risks involved.

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I mean, can we hang? Will we still be drunk the next morning when we go out to brunch like we vowed to do, hungover as FUCK!
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How embarrassing!

Or will we literally not be able to get out of bed the next day and be tortured by our children for needing a functional parent? Hangovers aren’t just one day in your 30s, you know.

NO, they are at least two days of feeling like shit, and another day or two of exhaustion.

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I’m feeling sick just thinking about it.

OPTION 6:
Binge eating and Netflix is sounding real good after that hypothetical night of binge drinking and four day recovery.
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Maybe we’ll be better equipped next year to do something major for our birthday. The kids will be another year older and we’ll be less sleep deprived. Things are really gonna start looking up for us, I can feel it.

But right now, it’s just too damn inconvenient to have fun.

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