From The Mother’s Day High Into The Father’s Day Fog

chrun family 2014-0028

So Mother’s Day came and went. I’ll admit, every year I tell myself not to get my hopes up, but there I am the Thursday before Mom’s Day, wondering if my saint of a husband has even the slightest clue that it’s creeping up on his forgetful self. Should I warn him in case he’s forgotten? Should I wait it out so not to ruin the surprise I’m sure he has (not) in store for me?

Regardless, the day is full of sweet, sappy cards, phone calls, and texts. I get showered with love, my favorite foods, a few gifts, and some free time to veg out in my bed while the chaos ensues outside my bedroom door. It’s almost perfect and almost exactly what I need. I’m grateful.

And then the thought hits my self-indulgent head, “oh crap, Father’s Day is around the corner, I better ask the Mr. what he wants to do.” His response is always the same, “We can do whatever honey. I just want to spend time with you and the kids and maybe get some lunch or something.” And the funny part is, I know he means exactly that. He has not one hidden meaning or agenda in that statement. He will be happy as a clam and satisfied with family time. That would be his perfect day.

If that had been my answer, it would have been riddled with symbolism and booby-traps. Is it just ME, or is that MOST women? It’s not flattering to have my insecurities screaming in a high-pitched voice, waving bright orange flags that say, “DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME;” but I do.

So what do I do for the man that puts up with our kids and I every day? Who works tirelessly to provide for our family and seldom complains? What do I do for the man who is truly happy just doing a whole lot of nothing different on his special day? Should I surprise him with an expensive gift that we can’t afford? Or maybe plan out a completely different day than he claimed he wanted? Maybe he doesn’t know what he wants. Maybe he needs my help in deciding on something big to do.

Or maybe he wants to be left the “F” alone like I did.

Wouldn’t he appreciate a day where we’re not all needing something from him? Isn’t he tired of the same old routine day in and day out? Why can’t he spout off some demands to make me work for it, damn it?

I’VE GOT NOTHING!

I’m clueless even though he told me what he wants to do; it somehow isn’t good enough for me. How selfish am I? It clearly isn’t about me, but I’ll find a way to make it so.

And what the hell are the “kids” supposed to get him? I’m sure he can only stand to have so many Color Me Mine dishes with scribbles and dates written all over them. When you open my kitchen cupboard, it truly looks like a preschool art class threw up a box of crayons in there. How sad, I’ve managed to make that his gift from the kids at some point for the past three years in a row. Why hasn’t he said anything resentful or argumentative to me?

Then I take a good look in the mirror and ask myself “what did you want for Mother’s Day?” I told my husband exactly what I wanted, and I got it. I would have been irritated as hell if I had told him I wanted a quiet day and he planned an exhausting busy outing. So what the hell am I fretting over? Should I just listen to him and do exactly what he requested?

Well that would seem appropriate and smart.

Maybe I could give him exactly what he wants, and do those little things he does for me that are actually the big things. Like take the kids to the park after lunch so he can take a nap, or watch some T.V. in peace. I’m sure he would love that. Why do I have to make the uncomplicated man and the uncomplicated plans so damn complicated?

This Father’s Day hoopla is way worse than birthdays. It’s this random day to show my husband what a great father he is when I don’t feel like there are enough words, or gifts that could actually say it. So that leaves only one person to pay attention and just listen to the man.

ME.

I’ll fulfill his requests, and enhance them without changing them. I’ll make sure he knows that I’m paying attention to the details, and the little things, which are actually the big things. I’ll make him smile with my affection, and shower him with love, some good food, a few homemade gifts and some time for himself.

Hmm…that sounds a lot like what that demanding piece of work I was ranting about earlier wanted, except I know my husband deserves every ounce of it. Is it possible my husband felt the same about me? Did he think I deserved it?

Oy vey, I think he did.

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