When asked by others what I like to do in my spare time, I immediately respond with “I’m a Mom,” as if that’s a hobby or a verb. It’s not all that defines me, but since becoming a Mom 4 1/2 years ago and again for the second time 10 weeks ago, it’s pretty much what defines me these days.
I spend 24 hours a day with my 10 week old and know his every cry and cue. And in what I consider my small world right now (my house), my hobbies as a mother on a daily basis consist of smelling my son’s breath as he sleeps, watching his eyes roll around as he goes deeper to sleep and of course speak baby talk in my best baby voice. It doesn’t take a whole lot of skill, but it takes a whole lot of love that can only come from a Mommy.
I’ve convinced myself that I am the only one who knows how to comfort my baby boy, cradle him just right, feed him until his little heart is content and make all of the right judgement calls. I’ve got all the answers and no one can get my little boys to behave any better than when they are with me, it’s just the facts.
If you follow my blog, you know I have the most over achieving husband on the planet. He’s Super-Husband, Super-Dad and basically Super-Man! But one thing he will never be is ME! I’m the Mommy to my 2 little boys and they adore me beyond belief, true story!
So when I asked him to watch both boys for a whole day (10 hours to be exact) while I go get my drink on in Napa, I was certain he’d be scared poop-less. I was sure he’d be so anxious, but in true overachieving fashion, he played it cool.
I, on the other hand was having an anxiety attack. I mean, would he smell in his breath as he slept and talk in a baby voice the way my baby likes it? I had to prepare by pumping enough milk days in advance to accommodate my little one, worry for days in advance that I’d come back from Napa and no one would be alive and a few times I even thought about throwing in the towel on my trip after I convinced myself that there’s no way he’d be able to handle the job!
After expressing my fears to my husband at least a handful of times a day leading up to my departure and getting laughed at every time, I decided to just suck it up and go. After all, it was for a dear friend’s bachelorette/bridal day and the last thing I was going to do was miss it because I have control issues, that would just sound dumb trying to explain! So I went….
As I left, I felt relieved, guilty, guilty and a little more guilty. I was pretty sure my sons already felt abandoned and unloved by me before I even got to the first stop light. I didn’t call him during my drive for fear that I would be too close and turn around if I got any inkling that something might be wrong.
When I got to the winery I heard me say both my son’s names about 50 times in the first hour. I mean even I was getting tired of hearing myself talk, but it’s like I had no control over my mouth! My husband held to the agreement to send me pictures, although he didn’t hold up to the agreement when I said “send me pictures ALL DAY!” I think I got 2 sets of pictures that I looked at all day long with captions that said “they are doing really good.” I mean I didn’t ask him to rub it in my face that the kids were still alive without me being there, but I forgave him.
Then suddenly I had 6 tastings of wine and about 90 minutes later realized that I hadn’t not only said my kid’s names but I hadn’t thought about them every minute, so once again I felt HORRIBLE and GUILTY!
I was borderline drunk since not drinking for a year and now felt like I must look like an alcoholic mother who doesn’t love her kids! I told myself to pull back and stop the boos! I made sure to call my husband while I was fresh off the wine wagon, because like I said, I make the best judgement calls, and so he knew that his cousin was driving our car back to the house in Napa because I was too drunk to do so, again awesome judgment calls all the way around!
He sounded like he was busy, talking quietly because our baby was asleep in his arms. Ok, at that moment I felt relieved and appreciative since I was obviously not in superstar form to take on the care of my boys.
As we drove down through a windy canyon road and found the great house we’d be lounging at all day, we all realized we didn’t have cell service on our phones. PANIC! My heart stopped until I found one spot in the house where I was able to get a few text messages to my husband.
I could have continued the party but as I watched a bunch of my skinny, tan friends get into the pool, I decided I’d spare everyone the pain of seeing me in my two piece and became a bit of a wall flower instead.
After the alcohol left my system and it was clear I was not going to be the life of the party as I pumped and dumped twice in 4 hours, I was ready to get back to my babies. After being attached to your infant child for 10 weeks, it’s best to ease into these kinds of social gatherings anyway. I said my goodbyes and headed home. I couldn’t wait to get into cell service range so I could call my husband and hear how badly he wanted me to get home!
I made the call as I got my car onto the CA-12. My husband who sounded shockingly sane, let me know that both of my sons were just waking up from their wonderful naps. I got to hear how my baby boy did an amazing job napping and eating all day and how my older son was on his best behavior! And during their naps my husband was able to do 2 loads of laundry and clean the toilets!
Then if I recall, he said something along the lines of “it was easy!” I immediately felt disappointed. A part of me wanted the kids to be somewhat of a challenge for him so he could see what I go through every day.
I told him that maybe he should do it alone for more than one day and of course his response was “if I could take the days off work, I would definitely do it again!” HA! Ok! And if that wasn’t a slap in the face, he let me know that they wouldn’t be home when I got home because he was packing up both kids and taking them to Toys R Us! YEA! GREAT!! At that point I pretty much laughed and said “Well Alright then!” I gave up! He won!
He’s always going to have the best attitude, be an over achiever and never admit to being stressed! But inside apart of me would like to think that there was a little bit of stress and anxiety over being home alone with our 2 children for a whole day…and of course, he obviously caught them both on a good day…I mean, obviously!
Appetite for Honesty 