If you had asked me 15 years ago what I envisioned having children would be like, I would have likely told you that I would have a boy first, then 2 years later have a girl.
Somewhere in there I would have stated that it would be fun and that babies are cute. You know, because my naive 16 year old self actually believed that things just worked out the way I wanted them to. I probably wouldn’t have envisioned never having a daughter, yet raising 2 boys, 4 years apart in age.
I’ll say what all mothers should say and would say at this point, and I’m being sarcastic even though I 100% mean what I’m about to say. I wouldn’t change having my 2 boys for anything. There I said it,
I obviously love them to no end and would die for those little monsters, but you must understand, I grew up with all sisters and 1 step-brother. I was as unprepared for this angle of motherhood as any one person could be, but I sure am making the most of it.
As often as I go through the day whining to myself and anyone else that will listen, of all the woes that I deal with on a daily basis, I laugh my way through it too. Because watching your child grow up is as new to me as it is familiar.
I’m watching them relive my own childhood in so many ways. It’s fascinating, and it comes with some great, and unforgettable memories I will lock in the vault forever. Here are my top 10 greatest ‘joys’ so far. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me in the next 6 years.
1. What’s a Clean House?
A clean house has worked it’s way so far down the priority list that when someone tells me they cleaned their house, I immediately respond with, “well, I cleaned my boys last night in the bathtub, and that took place in my house, so…”
2. Sleeping With Boys:
A mom of boys is the only person who can truthfully say she had a wild night with a few boys and woke up with both of them in her bed, and it be completely acceptable.
In a household full of boys, the word farts, the smell of farts and the act of farting is like any other hobby out there. It’s fun to do, they are good at it, and everyone but mom usually gets a good laugh.
I do more loads of laundry in one week than most do in a month. Having boys could be compared to having little Broadway actors who require constant costume changes. Except the costume changes of my 2 sons come at the expense of dirt, snot, potions that smell like vinegar and sour milk, dead bugs and the ever popular poop, from either the dog or my 2 year old.
5. Backseat Brawlers:
A mom of boys can always find a moment of peace while brothers go at it in the backseat for the first 20 seconds. At least until the first punch is thrown, or until one of them screech a blood curdling scream. Then, I’m snapped back to reality. If they aren’t talking or screaming at me for a response, I choose to have my own thoughts for as long as they allow.
6. Apologizing in Public:
A mom of boys can frequently be seen apologizing to others in public places for the sounds and smells coming out her child, whether it’s being done by accident or on purpose for comedic relief. We can be seen apologizing for the all too honest statement made about the lady in front of us in line who decided to pretend she didn’t hear my little angel’s observation, while she clenches her jaw. Or just for the constant machine gun sounds, or any other gun sounds coming out of his mouth, followed up by the invisible gun pointed at every person who walks by. Sometimes I tell the passer-biers that he wants to grow up to be a soldier and fight for out country, hoping they’ll find him endearing, rather than annoying. But my cover is always blown when my son yells out “NO I DON’T, MOM!”
7. The Sweet Smell of Dirt:
I can be away from my boys, having some free time and suddenly get a whiff of dirt, then immediately become sentimental, because the smell of dirt always reminds me of my kids. It’s that smell after they come in from the backyard where they just “saved” 100 rollie-pollies by sealing them into a tupperware filled with water for them to drink. Or being at the park running around in 85 degree weather, sweaty and sand filled from hair to toe. I’ve never appreciated the smell of dirt so much.
8. The Potty Wars:
I can go to any other person’s house and while using the restroom, I automatically try to put the toilet seat down whether it’s already down or not, wipe the toilet seat, or try to avoid wet spots at the base of the toilet on the bathroom floor. It’s like being on auto-pilot. I have mastered this technique in my sleep just so I don’t have to sit on another toilet without the seat down, or sit on a wet toilet seat, or better yet, step on the drops of pee that didn’t make it into the toilet. It’s become a game that I’ve realized will only be won by acceptance.
9. The Crying Game:
In our house, either I am crying or the boys are crying. It can be sparked by stress of my rambunctious and uncontrollable boys, or by how they can display such love for one another that it brings me to tears. To watch a brotherly bond be built is definitely worth a good cry, but so is the meltdown they both just had over who’s going to have the last fruit roll-up. I never know what kind of day I’ll get, I just hope I get lucky and have 2 fruit roll-ups on hand.
I can go from pleading with my boys and almost waving my white flag, to being the most grateful mother on earth for having my sons. See, the moment my oldest sees that he’s hurt my feelings or made me upset to the point of no return, he can and will say things like, “mom, you’re a princess, the most beautiful princess in the world and I love you.” Followed by a dozen kisses to my face. It’s like he works for the Matrix and has just erased my memory. I literally may start to tear up out of joy and tell him he’s the best child on the planet, all while choosing to forget the completely offensive comment he just made. Probably something like, “mom, are you pregnant? Or did you just eat a lot of food again?” I’m always forgiving and thankfully, I know they are always forgiving me as well.
I have no doubt that in 20 years my boys will be offering me up more than a top 10 list of ‘joys’ of being the sons to their mother.