Growing Pains

I think so much of our time is spent on what we can contribute to relationships that don’t give us anything in return. We try to make it work for the sake of what we’ve always known, not realizing how much of ourselves is sacrificed in the process and how exhausting it can be.

Whether it be a romantic relationship, a crush, a friendship or a relationship within the family. No one is asking you to go that extra mile if there isn’t reciprocity. That’s a choice you yourself make and it’s your responsibility to learn from it the first time (hopefully). For most of us we will make the same choices or mistakes over and over until we “get it!” Something has to sink in and then we finally get the lesson. Some learn it the first time and others, it takes as long as it takes to get the lesson!

So many of us will spend time thinking, worrying and agonizing, asking ourselves why? Why doesn’t he/she call? Why is he/she so mean? Why doesn’t he/she appreciate me? We kill ourselves trying to find the answers?

The truth is, we’ll never know! We can gossip about it and theorize what the reasons are but we’ll never really know. We have no control over others and why they are the way they are or do the things they do.

But we do have control over ourselves and what we do. It’s hard to break the cycle but it’s our job to do so. It’s hard to change, regardless. It’s foreign, it’s uncomfortable and frankly, it’s an inconvenience. But it’s necessary! It’s mandatory for change to take place if we want to get where we want to be!

One’s happiness is defined differently by each person. There is no wrong or right answer, it’s yours to decide.

For myself, happiness means being comfortable in my own skin. It means being proud of the decisions I’ve made, yet to be satisfied from things I’ve learned, from mistakes I’ve made. Happiness to me is accomplishing something that is mine and mine alone, and in return sharing it with the ones I love. Happiness is being able to go to sleep at night and know that I’ve done good, and my intentions are good.

So many times I’ve found myself so stressed out over someone who isn’t stressing about me. My concerns and feelings are being exhausted, and for what?

The lesson I’ve learned, and just recently “got” after many trials and errors is, I can’t change others, I can only change me. I will not waste time and energy on those who aren’t bothering to think of me. I will take this lesson and move forward.

This doesn’t mean I have to cut people out of my life, this just means a lesson has been learned and will be dealt with differently in the future! I can’t have expectations of that person because they have shown me who they are and this time, I choose to believe them.