It’s been on my mind since I’ve moved past the first scary months of pregnancy and I haven’t been so sure how I feel about it. I’m pretty much an open book when it comes to my feelings but when it comes to something so personal, it’s one of those things that I didn’t feel comfortable talking about until I could sort out my own feelings.
When I was pregnant with my first son, I was overjoyed and giddy about all of the unexpected of a new baby and first time motherhood. There was nothing more exciting than receiving the gift of life that myself and my husband created! It’s a miracle! It’s something I’ve always thought about and fantasized about and here it was, coming true! There were no hesitations, no doubts, no real worries, just bliss!
I’m equally as giddy and overjoyed about this second pregnancy and really couldn’t be happier, but it’s a much different experience this time around. I have this little man, this little soul, little face that is my best friend in the whole world. If I never accomplished another thing in my life, he is enough, he is more than enough, he is everything and I could die feeling like I made the most magnificent human being ever created. I know this is how all mothers feel and I am just apart of that club, but I truly believe that this little person is magnificent! So here I am, pregnant with my second after I’ve experienced the most incredible love I could ever imagine….how does that happen again? How will I love another being as much as I love him? All of these emotions and questions have been building inside of me and the moment I think of it and look at my son, I just wonder how he will feel. Will he feel sad, like I don’t love him? I can’t even bear the thought of him having one reservation about my love for him.
A friend of mine suggested I read a poem called “Loving Two.” I looked it up and read it and it said everything I have been feeling or could be feeling. It brought me to complete ugly tears but it made so much sense to me and I realized that I’m not the first mother in the world to feel this way. I’ve been feeling a little guilty because I am so busy with my son who is already here, that I haven’t been as focused on this actual pregnancy the way I was with my first. Then I wondered, will my unborn son have a complex if I don’t have as many stories in his baby book or as many pregnancy pictures this time around? After reading the poem which is by an unknown author, I realized it doesn’t matter. It will all happen and work out the way it’s worked out for every other mother out there of more than one child. It’s natural and we, as mothers in mind, body and soul are such warriors and miracle makers ourselves, it will all just happen the way everything else just happens. The way we instantly loved our child the second they were born, without even knowing them yet and how we would die just so they wouldn’t feel pain. It’s the way we are built and it’s just natural.
I wasn’t planning on discussing this at all, but once I read that poem, I knew I wasn’t the first, I won’t be the last, but I definitely didn’t want to keep it to myself. I’m sure many of you can relate to this and if you do and haven’t spoken about it, please don’t feel weird or ashamed. It’s all apart of life and what’s so amazing is that we have no idea what is about to hit us! We have no idea of the amount of love we are about to experience again! I am more excited and less fearful now and know it will all be ok.
If you haven’t read the poem “Loving Two” I’ve pasted it below, enjoy…and grab a kleenex!